I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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