that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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