I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
