I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize