New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
