the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
