I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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