I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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