is your mom at the bar?
We're facebook friends in real life
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
