i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
