It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
