check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
