I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
