I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
