White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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