margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
