I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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