my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
