he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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