you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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