Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
