Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
