Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
