just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i came on her dog
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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