Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
