she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize