and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
