i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
