I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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