this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
