the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
