im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
