i don't like sucking hair
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
