I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
