I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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