Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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