I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry my hands just texted you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize