whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
