I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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