Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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