She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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