did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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