how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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