I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
