My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
