Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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