I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
