you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
