I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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