how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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