Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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