Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i've created a new STD.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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