did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
