I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
