I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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