before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still have a little drunk in my system
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
