Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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