Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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