I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize