I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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