used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
