i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
