I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize