he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
