Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
