know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
