At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
