I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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